If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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