im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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