I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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