Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
