his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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