dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
