is your mom at the bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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