I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying