Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.