saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
