I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car