I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.