grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
