I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
