You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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