don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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