loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
