Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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