peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
