Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
