I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
