went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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