is your mom at the bar?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
