Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize