Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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