my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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