i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
