i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
