Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
