I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
