dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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