She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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