so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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