Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
