Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
