hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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