We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
