i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
