I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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