Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
