party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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