Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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