I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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