Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
