remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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