Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
