your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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