so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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