Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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