one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
