sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize