Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
