Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
