Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
