your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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