I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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