You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize