she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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