I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
