just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
