Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
