I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
