you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
