a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did i walk over a car last night?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
