we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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