no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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