I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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