i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
