So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
