they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
