but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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