you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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