It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
