Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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