Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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