i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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