the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
