I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
