goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
